How did I get here?

I’ve seen a thousand mom blogs out there. I follow deal and couponing blogs, blogs on crafting, cooking, DIY, you name it, so I think to myself, “What could I add that’s worth reading? All these things have been done, and there are tons of women who do them well.” I readily admit that I excel in none of these areas. You read that right – none. Then I realized… this is more about me. This is about reclaiming my sanity, and maybe, just maybe, some other mothers feel the same way.

My story in a nutshell: job loss mid-pregnancy, recession, depressed job market, birth of baby boy!, long, cold winter, post-partum hormones, but then… better weather, brighter days. I regain some sense of well-being through daily walks with an infant on my chest and a dog out in front. I recognize that staying home with my son at this crucial time is a great blessing, and I sincerely cherish the time with him. That is until it seems all of my time is spent with him. To support our family, my husband works two jobs. Gone for 24-48 hours at a time, I can appreciate the struggles of a single mother. We do have opportunities to visit him, but we get home and I find myself having conversations with someone who babbles, giggles and grins when I say “NO!” and pulls my hair when he hugs me.

Now that little boy is approaching one year, and I still haven’t been able to get a job or even an interview for that matter. I accept my role as a SAHM, but I feel like I make mistakes. A lot. Blundering my way through learning what to expect next, I attempt to keep our house and finances in order while still having a little fun along the way. I don’t feel the need to go to work 40+ hours a week, but I’ve come to realize that I am a person who needs some structure. I’m losing my edge, not having anything relevant to keep my resume fresh, and frankly I feel isolated. Sure we have playdates, storytime, family nights at husband’s work, but really… it’s just me, an 11-month old boy and a spastic schnauzer.

So as much as this is an outlet for me, a way to continue the writing I love so dearly, I hope it will become a refuge for other moms who ever have thoughts like:

  • I’ve tried two new recipes this week, and they both sucked. Or I ruined them.
  • This kid is pushing my last button, and I might explode if I don’t get out of this house. Alone.
  • I saw this awesome idea on Pinterest! So I tried it! And I FAILED. Miserably.
  • It’s Saturday? Oh, I thought it was Wednesday. Then again, does it really matter?
  • I forgot to pay the water bill on time. How did I forget that? What have I been doing that keeps me so busy as to forget one of my key responsibilities?
  • Oh right, I can’t put more clothes in the washer until I fold the three loads sitting in the bonus room and the dryer.

If you feel like you can’t seem to get it all right, then this might be the place for you. Some days, I conquer the world, but most days, I muck up a few things along the way. The good news is I find it kind of amusing… after the fact. I can laugh at my blunders, so please feel free to laugh with me.

~June

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